The Art of Balance

Recently I was waiting at our local leisure centre and I noticed another car pull up. A mother and young daughter got out and then unloaded a small bicycle. The little girl then carefully got on the bike and, with Mum stiffly holding the back of the saddle, they set off on the pavement.

As they disappeared, my mind went back to when my son was learning to ride. I remembered what it was like to jog alongside holding him upright, how awkward the posture was and how difficult it was to keep him straight. My back ached with the memory!

We had borrowed the primary school car park in holiday time. We made many 'runs' from one side to the other. He didn't seem to be getting it; his steering was all over the place. I was hot and frustrated, near to calling it a day. One last go, I told him, and we set off. After a few seconds, he made a particularly wild steering move and I lost my grip.

Visions of disaster raced through my mind - I would be taking a damaged child back to Mummy. But no - as soon as I released my grip, he corrected the wobble, finding his balance by steering the other way. Look! There he was, cycling slowly across the tarmac all by himself! It was magic - like a fledging in first flight - and he made it unscathed to the other side. I was relieved and he was delighted - there was no suggestion of going home now. He made several other solo runs and very soon developed a continuous circuit - proud Dad or what!

Back at the leisure centre, I saw the mother and daughter reappear. The little girl was in front, feet steadily revolving on the pedals. They had been gone barely 20 minutes yet there was no doubt about it. Mum was several feet behind with clear space between them.

Reflecting on this, wearing my 'coaching hat', it seems essential to allow ourselves to 'wobble' sometimes if we are going to get where we want to go. As adults we might use other words - 'mistake', 'failure', 'lapse', 'misjudgement' and so on - but it is the same thing.

Once we set a goal, if we attempt to hold ourselves, or let others hold us, without deviation on a narrow predetermined course, we restrict our opportunities to find the individual balance that really works. At best this makes our progress very hard work while at worst we sacrifice the goal.

If we regard 'wobble' as something to avoid at all costs, we are likely to beat ourselves up when we deviate from the straight and narrow. If instead we take the view that 'wobble' is inevitable and even healthy then we can take the opportunity to develop flexibility and balance.

The key is to monitor progress, like the child on the bike, using feedback to correct the trajectory towards a clearly defined goal. It is significant that we use the phrase 'like riding a bike' to refer to a life-skill that is learned once and never forgotten.

What does this mean in practice? Here are some techniques you can use:

1. Become more aware of WHEN you 'wobble'. Keep a 'wobble diary'. For each episode ask: what are you learning? What would you have missed without this experience? How better are you equipped now?
2. Become more aware of HOW you do 'wobble'. Create a deliberate 'wobble' experience. This is one reason why so many people relish a challenge. Get outside your comfort zone. While there is no need to go bungee jumping next week, what could you do that is unfamiliar? What familiar thing could you do in unfamiliar way? What new experience would inspire you?
3. Ask yourself: What are you holding on to, or what are you letting hold you, that is restricting your own balance? What habit is limiting you? What would it be like without this?
4. Ask a trusted friend or colleague the same questions (from 3 above).
5. Be clear about WHERE you are heading. Surround yourself with reminders of your goals - use pictures, words, things you can touch - whatever works for you.
6. Focus on your goals to see the Big Picture, so that the 'wobble' is experienced in perspective. This is your chance to lighten up and not take things too seriously.

So, like riding a bike, experiment and have some fun!